Couples Counseling

CoupCouns     If you are a couple, be it marriage or otherwise and you are not getting what you need from each other, couples counseling can help. If hurting each other goes on too long, love can be lost.  couples counseling can help you reach each other. If angry words, hurt, blame and shutting down are pushing love out of your relationship, relationship counseling can help you find each other in the confusion.

Most of us yearn for a really satisfying primary relationship. It’s not news to any adult that a relationship can be heaven or it can be hell. When it is good, it’s so valuable to us that we keep trying to build something with someone in spite of all the difficulties and pain. It’s not that easy to create a stable relationship. Sometimes the most attractive and exciting relationships are also the most volatile and painful.  There are reasons for that which marital counseling can help you to understand.

If one or both of you has brought baggage from the past to the relationship, effective couples therapy can make the difference in keeping that baggage from destroying your relationship. Effective couples or marriage counseling is assisting you to identify and shed patterns of behavior that are not serving you well, but are hard to get rid of.

One of the qualities that a good primary relationship can have is to provide sanctuary, a place where you don’t have to watch your back. If you and your mate have created a place where there is no safety, it doesn’t have to be that way.

A lot of couples end up in endless replays of the blame game. This is something people learn in their family of origin and can get trapped in. The battle around who is to blame just bleeds a relationship of love and trust. Part of the problem is that in fending off blame, we sometimes fail to take personal responsibility. A good couples counselor provides an environment where it is safe to accept responsibility for what you do without feeling like you’re going to end up blamed and discounted. You can feel the difference between accepting responsibility and taking the blame. Accepting responsibility doesn’t make you feel like a squirmy kid. The paradox of accepting responsibility is that it gives us back our personal power.

Getting Started

We Can Do It Together


If you just cannot reach each other, I can help you get communication going again. Here are some of the things I do for couples.

1. Create a safe space where both of you are able to speak freely.
2. Recognize where you and your partner are each missing what the other is saying.
3. Lower the intensity of the conflict so you can reach each other.
4. Get beneath the angry words, the hurt withdrawal and the confusion.
5. Identify the patterns unfolding in your relationship.
6. Help you and your partner understand what each is really asking for from the other.
7. Identify and lessen baggage either of you brings to the relationship.
8. Rebuild on the real feelings that brought you together in the first place.

If you live or work close enough to Woodland Hills to reach my office, I would be honored to meet with both of you and work together to make all of the above happen.

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